Fear storms can strike at any moment.

I am sure homeschoolers are not more susceptible to them that other parents – but sometimes it can feel like we are. Fear storms are the moments (sometimes very long moments!) of fear and doubt. Of wondering if we are doing the right thing for our children. Of fear that we are letting them down, or they aren’t having the opportunities they should have. Or that we are ruining their life.

I hear all of these questions from new homeschoolers:

• What if I don’t teach the right things, or not enough?
• What if I don’t have enough time or patience?
• I worry about whether I am making the right choice for my children.
• What if I miss something important?
• What if I don’t inspire them?

And, I am sorry to tell you that it doesn’t always get easier. My daughter is 16  now and I still get caught in fear storms without an umbrella.

Homeschooling is an alternative path. It can be scary to go against ‘the norm’. In our homeschool, we have decided to not take the conventional (UK) path of lots of exams that she would normally be taking at this age. This is bringing on a massive fear storm for me. But I have devolved a formula to help me through these times and I wanted to share it with you.

1. Trust

Trust whatever deity you believe in. But also, trust your child. Our fear is created because we feel we are responsible for our children’s lives. That we have to control and create all the right conditions and opportunities. That we have to protect and nourish. That it is all up to us.

But our children are also responsible for their own lives. Even as youngsters they have their own unique gifts to share with the world. We can guide and provide wisdom. We can help and protect. But ultimately they are responsible. And take a good look at your child. Children are wonderful beings and I think we are being unfair to them when we worry so much about them. We need to trust that they will grow up into capable and independent human beings. We should put our faith in them – and not undermine it with  worry.

2. It isn’t (necessarily) the homeschooling.

Here is a story.

I was talking to another Mom and she was very worried about socializing her daughter. She said she was very shy and didn’t seem to make friends easily. She had tried different groups and her daughter always seemed on the edge, unable to make social contact within the group. She didn’t like to be around a lot of people, and preferred to be alone. The Mom was at her wits end about it – and said she often wished she had…… homeschooled! She thought that school had really increased her daughter’s anxiety and caused the social problems!

So you see – it isn’t just homeschooling moms that worry about these things. It is too easy to look at homeschoooling as the cause – or to look at school as the cause. Sometimes our children are just as they are and no environment would have made them any different. It then goes back to trusting them and knowing that they will do the right thing when they are ready to do it.

3. Time will tell.

Sometimes we bring on fear storms because we are being impatient – or holding up our children to others timetables. Children learn in jumps and starts and not always exactly when we think they should. Sometimes, just leaving well alone for a few months allows them the time they need to get their head around something.

I often asked myself if they would still be in this situation when they reached 18. Will they still struggle with reading, will they still not know how to multiply or write their name! Of course, now my daughter is 16 I might have to up this age to 21 or so! (She can read and multiply and write her own name in-case that wasn’t clear – I have a whole new set of worries  now!)

My story in regards to socialization is a case in point. My children weren’t particularly shy – but they didn’t like groups either and only had a handful of friends that they saw irregularly. I was pretty worried about that! And then – one day out of the blue, my daughter announced that she would like to attend a one week camp with the Young Kennel Club – and my son asked (on the same day!) if he could go on a one week kids adventure holiday. Alone. Without us. Into a group! And off they went. It was an amazing lesson for me that when they are ready they will spread their wings and fly. And one I keep reminding myself of when I become inclined to worry.

As parents, worrying about our children is natural. But we can only do what we think is right at the time. Second guessing ourselves later doesn’t help. Trying to predict the future is mostly fruitless. It is now that is important.

Do what you can do now, and do it with love. The storm will pass and one day you will see the sun, and know all is well.

If you are in a fear storm now, do share. We all face them at some time or another. Perhaps it will feel less lonely if we stand under the umbrella together 🙂